New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
