And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
