apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
