im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
