Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
