I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
