So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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