Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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