Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
