i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
