Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize