Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
