WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
