ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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