if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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