i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
