Got a toothbrush?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Panties = found
Randomize