it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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