Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
