he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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