she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
