Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
