conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
