i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
