My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
