I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
