those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
