is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
