i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
