Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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