I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
