the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
