shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
