My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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