i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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