Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
