I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
