this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
