Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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