is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
