You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and she was petting her beer can
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
