someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
