ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
