I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
