I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize