I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
