he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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