My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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