So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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