ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
