I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
