I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize