Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
