and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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