Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize