My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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