Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
