Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Terrible idea I love it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
