he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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