dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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