omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Let's get the cat blown out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
