it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
