Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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