I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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