I skipped work to stalk him.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
