there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
