if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
