Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
