who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
please don't ironically join a cult
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