So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is wine microwaveable?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
