sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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