I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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