Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
