So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i will never coherently bang her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
