We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
