We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize