Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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