I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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