well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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