So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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