Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize