he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
