Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize