so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it glows. i had to have it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
