My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
