How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
