so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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