I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
