Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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