Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
