the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
