I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Randomize
