Your dad touched me again.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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