so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
