Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
