I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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