i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
