just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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