Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
