help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
