I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
