I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
