my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
