Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
