she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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