'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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