I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
