I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
