I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
