when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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