Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
