So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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