Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
