During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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