a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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