I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im holly from the hills drunk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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