what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
