The beer is more important than you right now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize