We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize