listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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