Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
