I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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