just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My pussy is not your playground.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
