she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
