New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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