I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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