Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
